Lawn Mowing Rules for Ladies

Rule #1~ Do not EVER mow the lawn! 

Rule #2~ Do not let your husband, son, neighbor, father, father-in-law or any of the male species show you how to EVEN start the mower. If you do not understand this refer to Rule #1.

Rule #3~ If you are not used to mowing the lawn, you WILL get blisters on your hand. See photo #1. If you do not heed my warning the afore mentioned blisters will multiply; trust me. If you do not want blisters, refer to Rule #1.

Rule #4~ Do not put aloe vera on a large, open blister, it will cause quite a stinging reaction in the middle of your hand. If you would not like to feel this, please refer to Rule #1.

Rule #5~ If you choose to continue mowing the yard, you will need to wrap your hand in a bulky bandage since the blister is in an inconvenient area, (the supplies of course coming from your horse first aid kit). See photo #2. If you don’t like this new fashion statement, refer to Rule #1.

Rule #6~ If you get to close to the horse fence at the edge of the yard and come in contact with the hot wire whist holding tightly to the metal lawn mower handle, you will experience quite a jolt. If you do not want to experience this tingling sensation, refer to Rule #1.

Rule #7~ If your yard is as large as mine and you only have a push mower, it will take you approximately  five to six hours to accomplish this task. If you would rather be doing something else, please refer to Rule #1.

Rule #8~ You will get hot, sweaty, thirsty, dirty and tired mowing the lawn. This can be a good thing if you are trying to lose weight. If you are not on a weight loss program and do not care to be hot, sweaty, thirsty, dirty or tired, please refer back to Rule #1.

Rule #9~ Lawn mowers will cut grass, weeds, pine cones (these can become projectiles), small bushes, sticks and dog poop. (Note to self: pick up dog poop first).

Rule #10~ If you have pursued all avenues and cannot possibly avoid Rule #1, buy a riding lawnmower!